What is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is proving to be one of the most effective approaches to couples counseling. The following information was retrieved from the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy:

EFT is a short term (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy formulated in the early 80’s by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. EFT is also used with families. A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements. The major contraindication for EFT is on-going violence in the relationship. EFT is being used with many different kinds of couples in private practice, university training centres and hospital clinics and many different cultural groups. These distressed couples include partners suffering from disorders such as depression, post traumatic stress disorders and chronic illness. Please click to view recent articles and books on EFT.

Strengths of Emotionally Focused Therapy

• EFT is based on clear, explicit conceptualizations of marital distress and adult love. These conceptualizations are supported by empirical research on the nature of marital distress and adult attachment.
• EFT is collaborative and respectful of clients combining experimental Rogerian techniques with structural systemic interventions.
• Change strategies and interventions are specified.
• Key moves and moments in the change process have been mapped into nine steps and three change events.
• EFT has been validated by 20 years of empirical research. There is also research on the change processes and predictors of success.
• EFT has been applied to many different kinds of problems and populations.

Goals of Emotionally Focused Therapy

• To expand and re-organize key emotional responses–the music of the attachment dance.
• To create a shift in partners’ interactional positions and initiate new cycles of interaction.
• To foster the creation of a secure bond between partners.

For more information about EFT, please visit the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy.

Why do marriages fail?

The following quote is from Hold Me Tight:

"When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness, according to a landmark study by Ted Huston of the University of Texas. Indeed, the lack of emotional responsiveness rather than the level of conflict is the best predictor of how solid a marriage will be five years into it. The demise of marriages begins with a growing absence of responsive intimate interactions. The conflict comes later." (Johnson, 2008, p. 38)

If you live in Southern California and need personal help reconnecting with your partner, please click here.

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Loving One Another

“Learning to love others authentically, and in ways that matter to them, is one of the best things anyone can do.”
~ Dr. John Townsend, Loving People

If you think about it, a lot has been written about how to love one another. So we have to wonder why do we do it so poorly. One reason is that we may feel caught between (a) our own hurt or anger and (b) our concern for the other person.

For example, have you ever had someone not show up on time? As you waited, your thoughts probably changed from wondering where he was to wondering what was keeping him to being angry to worrying that something had bad happened to him.

By the time he finally appears, you don’t know which of your feelings to respond to. Should you be happy? Angry? Relieved? You didn’t know whether to throw your arms around him or yell at him!

Which response would you choose? Actually, all those feelings ... Read more.

The Number One Problem

Mark and Cathy are really no different than many other couples. Their problems started early in their relationship: right after their honeymoon.

Cathy brought up an issue of concern for her, and Mark felt criticized. He was quiet, not because he didn’t care, but because he felt the sting of her words and didn’t know what to say.

Cathy felt the sting, too. When Mark ignored her, she felt like he just didn’t care. She finally gave up and withdrew, hoping that Mark would see how badly she felt.

Cathy was the “pursuer,” and Mark was the “withdrawer.” When Cathy gave up on talking to Mark, she also withdrew. When both partners withdraw, neither one is available to the other, making it impossible work on the relationship. Read more.

Dealing With Conflict

Before they realize what's happened to them, many couples develop an unhealthy cycle of interactions including criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and/or contempt. Even so, Dr. John Gottman's research found that 83% of newlyweds who criticized, stonewalled, and/or made defensive attacks were able to stabilize their marriages over time if they learned how to make adequate repairs of the damage after the fight.

Take the Dealing With Conflict Quiz to find out how you're doing on this important dimension.