The Glory of God

According to Dr. Dan Allender and Dr. Tremper Longman, authors of Intimate Allies,

Our spouses are representatives of God. We are called to delight in and to enhance one another's already present glory to the glory of God. Our only option in responding to our spouses is either to glorify or to degrade them. (p. 22)

Things to Do: Southern California, Part 1

How 'bout a picnic?

Great places to go:

El Matador State Beach
32100 Pacific Coast Highway
Malibu, CA

Angeles National Forest
Switzer Falls, Arroyo Secon Canyon

Mile Square Regional Park
16801 Euclid Avenue
Fountain Valley, CA

Great foods to go:

Julienne
2649 Mission Street
San Marino, CA

Joan's on Third
8350 W. Third Street
Los Angeles, CA

Picnics Fine Foods
435 E. 17th Street
Costa Mesa, CA

Loneliness

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down, his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone? (Ecclesiastes 4:9-11)

Unfortunately, both men and women are likely to experience loneliness from time to time, even in a marriage. Take the following quiz to see how well you're doing on this important factor.

Quiz Instructions: Rate your answers to each question using a number from 1 (strongly agree) to 4 (strongly disagree).

1. My relationship is a lot lonelier than I thought it would be.
   
2. We’re not as close as I wish we were.
3. I feel an emptiness in this relationship.
4. I often feel bored when we do things together.
5. I feel very restless and sad even when we’re together.
6. Lots of times I don’t know what to do with myself.
7. At times I feel bored and restless in this relationship.
8. I long for someone I can be close to.
9. I feel so lonely it hurts.
10. Something is missing from my relationship.
11. I wish people would call me more often.
12. I often wish I had someone to be with.
13. I don’t feel that I’m an important part of someone’s life.
14. I don’t feel that I belong to anyone.
15. I often feel emotionally isolated.
16. I feel abandoned in this relationship.
17. There is no one I can turn to.
18. I often feel left out.
19. No one knows me.
20. No one understands me.
21. There is often no one I can talk to.
22. I often feel a great need for companionship.
23. I have become very withdrawn in this relationship.
24. I feel disconnected.
    

Scoring Your Quiz: If you answered 1 or 2 to eight or more of the questions, you may have reached the end of a cascade of distance and isolation. Feeling lonely in a marriage makes you vulnerable to having an affair, if this hasn't happened already. Research also suggests that it makes you more likely to become ill, especially if you are male.

Reference: Adapted from J. Gottman, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Recovering From an Extramarital Affair

According to marriage and family therapist, Dave Carder, "The most important motivator of any affair is the deep desire to be nurtured and loved unconditionally. That includes many components, such as touch, attitude, playfulness, romance, sex, and appreciation."

In his book, Torn Asunder, Dave writes, "Some adult children of parental affairs have huge agendas, or needs, that could never be met by any spouse -- and they bring them like baggage, into the marriage. If that description fits you and you are married, don't put off working on this issue any longer."

If you live in Southern California, OC Christian Couples is here to help you build the kind of relationship that will bring you lasting joy. If you live outside Southern California, please search the CPR Directory to find a professional counselor near you.