Hurting Each Other

Below are the notes from last week's class. (The KEY is available online.)

Dumb Attitude #4: “My Lover Should Never Hurt Me”

"A new command I give you: _____________. As I have loved you, so you must _____________. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you _____________." John 13:34-35

It’s easy to love someone who makes you feel good. As wonderful as he or she is, your partner will ________ at times, and it’s going to hurt.

Your ________ and ________ can go a long way toward making a reconnection that will bring about attachment, intimacy, and positive feelings toward one another.

People set themselves up for failure by expecting a good marriage to be one without pain, and that expectation comes in at least three forms.

• The wish for a _____________
• The wish for a _____________
• The wish to make up for _____________
  

Lifeline #16 The trials of your relationship can build your ________ and make your ________ stronger.

Discussion Topic: Can you recognized when someone’s setting a trap for his or her partner by asking a “loaded” question? Give specific examples.

Lifeline #17 Love brings us closer to ________ and to ________. It keeps us alive and growing.

Lifeline #18 Rescue your love life by totally ________ and ________ every aspect of each other without ________.

Lifeline #19 When your love connection brings out the worst in you, you’re ________. Work through it together with ________ and ________.

Lifeline #20 When temptation knocks (appears), it’s a ________, so don’t ________________! Don’t be a lone ________. Stay on the path with the rest of the ________.

In this week's class, we'll be talking about "Mind Reading." If you are unable to join us in class, you can order the book and follow along with us online. You may also want to consider other books from our Recommended Reading List.

Looking for Help in So Cal?

Life isn't going as you planned. You and your partner are on different pages, and no matter what you do, things just keep getting worse between you. It's frustrating and often painful, and sometimes you wonder if it's worth it anymore.

Ongoing problems don't necessarily mean you should end the relationship. It is possible to break free of negative patterns and create a more satisfying relationship for you both.

At OC Christian Couples, we strive to make therapy affordable for every couple who has a sincere desire to grow. Those who cannot pay the full fee, may apply for a fee reduction.

Research shows that extended sessions (75 minutes, instead of the usual 45) are more productive, and that most couples experience a significant improvement after 8 to 20 sessions. At the beginning of therapy, you will receive a thorough assessment of your relationship including couple and individual interviews, as well as a detailed evaluation of your interpersonal dynamics.

Our marriage education programs and couples counseling are based on sound biblical principles and scientific research, and our nonjudgmental approach reflects our desire to understand and support you and your partner ...no matter where you are in the process of your relationship.

Understanding Men

Do you have a hard time understanding the man in your life? This psychoeducational group focuses on more effective ways to communicate with your partner to help you both have a more satisfying relationship. This new Saturday Morning Group, for women only, is now forming. Please call 714-865-2164 for details and cost.

Perfectionism

Below are the notes from last week's class. The KEY is available online.
Dumb Attitude #3: “My Lover Should Be Perfect for Me”

For better ____ for worse: Marriage isn’t a lifelong visit to __________!

Lifeline #11 Remember that the ______ person doesn’t exist. It is possible to live happily—although imperfectly—ever after!

Discussion Topic: How do we balance _____ and _____ in our relationships? What do the following phrases mean to you?

• Being for your spouse
• Being for your relationship

Lifeline #12 Acknowledge your need for _____.

Brainstorm: Who do you see your spouse becoming? Discuss your hopes for each other in regard to your goals for:

Spiritually
Emotionally
Mentally
Professionally

Lifeline #13 Life isn’t about settling for the status quo. Relationships can provide the groundwork for growing and becoming better than we are now.

Lifeline #14 Embrace your _____. Without them, one of you wouldn’t be necessary!

Discussion Topic: What keeps you from freely and consistently giving your spouse the gift of “simply being _____ ”?

Lifeline #15 Even during conflict, find ways to make yourselves _____, not _____.

_____ are better than _____,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep _____.
But how can one keep _____ alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can _____ themselves.
A cord of _____ strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiates 4:9-12)

In this week's class, we'll be talking about "Hurting Each Other."
If you are unable to join us in class, you can order the book and follow along with us online. You may also want to consider other books from our Recommended Reading List.

Being Happy

Here are the notes from last week's class. (The KEY is available online.)

Dumb Attitude #2: "My Lover Should Make Me Happy"

Rejoice in __________ always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your __________ be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be __________ about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— __________ about such things. (Philippians 4:4-8)

Discussion Topic: Why do so many people enter marriage with the very popular “dumb attitude” that their spouses should make them happy?

Discussion Topic: Name two or more settings and contexts that could help foster your growth as a couple. Name two or more settings and contexts that could help foster your growth as an individual.

Lifeline 6: Kiss the fantasy of the __________ marriage good-bye. Pour ecstasy and completeness into your partner. Take ownership of your own __________.

Lifeline 7: You can keep your love life on course by NOT _________ when your wishes are not met and by working to meet each other’s real __________.

Lifeline 8: Preserve your connection with healthy doses of love, honesty, support, feedback, and __________.

Lifeline 9: Love is a choice. Freely choose to deny yourself those things that would be an __________ to the love you both want.

Lifeline 10: Consider the cost. A truly __________ relationship, in view of the “returns” you each receive, will be well worth the cost.

If you are unable to join us in class, you can order the book and follow along with us online. You may also want to consider other books from our Recommended Reading List.

In this week's class, we'll be talking about "Perfectionism."

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Are You Married? Engaged? Dating?

We understand your commitment to your faith and to your relationship, and we're here to help. Our programs and services are based on sound biblical principles and scientific research to help you develop the healthy relationship that God intends for you to have.

Choosing the right therapist is important to you both! We offer a free half-hour consultation so that you and your partner can decide together if the therapist is the right person to help you improve your relationship. Read more...

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For more info, call: 714-865-2164

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Note: All information provided is for general informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for a professional evaluation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please contact a mental health professional.

Choosing the right therapist is important to you both!

Did you know that many therapists have little or no training in couples therapy? If you're looking for couples counseling (premarital or marital), be sure to find out what couples training the therapist has received. If his or her training is not posted on a website or in other printed material, just make a phone call and ask.

It’s even better to ask if the therapist offers a free consultation. During the consultation, you can decide together if he or she is the right person to help with your relationship. It could save you a lot of time and money and frustration!

If you're looking for Christian couples counseling in Southern California, click here.

If you live outside Southern California, please visit Christian Psychology Resources to find a therapist near you.

Rescuing Your Love Life: Making Changes

We hope you and your partner can join marriage educator Dr. Debi Smith for our new Fall Couples Seminar, Rescuing Your Love Life: Lifelines & Guidelines. Based on the book by best-selling Christian authors, Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, this class will give you 40 practical, irresistible ways to eliminate the things we do every day to sink our most cherished relationship. Here’s your chance to grab hold of real, workable solutions to the frustrations and disappointments that so many relationships face!

Here are the notes from last week's class. (The KEY is available online.)

Dumb Attitude #1: “My Lover Should Make Some Changes”

Why do you look at the ______ of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the ______ in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the _____ out of your eye,' when all the time there is a _______ in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3-4)

Growing marriages are made up of ______________ people.

In a dysfunctional family, people are too concerned with __________ other people, and not concerned with making sure they are on the right track themselves.

In happy relationships, about ____% of complaints come from female partner. However, they raise issues gently and bring them up sooner rather than later. These women don’t ___ .

In addition, their male partners are willing to be ________________ by them and are willing to change their behavior.

Couple Exercise: Define intimacy. ___________________________

Lifeline 1: Change your own ________. Be willing to work on _________ first. Expect ____ things to happen.

Dependency is an important part of being _____. However, dependency causes problems in adulthood when you need another person to make you feel ______ about yourself. The goal of a healthy relationship is to ____ as partners in life.

Lifeline 2: Don’t get down on yourself if you have _________ problems. Realize that the time has come to ____ forward.

Lifeline 3: Facing your immaturity is a ______ thing to do—and it’s the first step in overcoming it.

Lifeline 4: No one is _______, and no relationship is _______ . When you resolve the underlying issues, you should see great _______.

Lifeline 5: Be an agent for ______ and ______________. Ask yourself (on a regular basis), “Is what I’m about to say or do going to help us ____ as individuals and as a couple?”

If you are unable to join us in class, you can order the book and follow along with us online. You may also want to consider other books from our Recommended Reading List.

This week we'll be talking about "Being Happy."

Look for the notes online soon!

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Note: All information provided is for general informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for a professional evaluation. If you are experiencing emotional distress, please contact a mental health professional.